saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
