note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
