Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
