Small penises have feelings too.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
