i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
