I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
