You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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