Swine flu. Run for my life!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
