Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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