It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
