i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
