The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
