Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
should my penis look like a turkey
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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