This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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