Everything about him screamed your future.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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