she looked like the before picture.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sobbing to NWA
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
