"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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