he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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