Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
