You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and you said cock pushups were impossible
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
