i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
