Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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