She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw a hot homeless man
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
