Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
