Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
