some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
