Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
