Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
