For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
