4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
