Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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