Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we made out on top of his cat.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
