eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
