Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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