whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
