somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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