4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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