i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
