I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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