If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
