There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
either way he was missing a nipple.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
