she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How naked do you want me to be?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
