yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
