I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
