Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
