I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
