Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
