THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
