so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
