Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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