All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
