Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
