I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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