Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im part way to drunk.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
