Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
