bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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