the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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