i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
