I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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