but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
