there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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