the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
