He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
