My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
