I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
