this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
