well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize