maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You've changed since you got that strap on
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
