I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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