I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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