NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
