I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
