My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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