She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
