I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I love you. Go after that dick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
