i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
