Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
