Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
