shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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