Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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