He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
