She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
